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Funny Stuff.







Khoobg
Webmaster / Moderator


Oct 22, 2002, 6:06 AM

Post #1 of 10 (2767 views)
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Funny Stuff. Can't Post

This one was copied from KOI Forum from a post posted by KevKOI. Slightly X-Rated. If you are younger than 18, do not read further.

About a pair of Hamsters

"I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened: Just
after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "some- thing wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room.

"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"

I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him into
his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

"Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"
"Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."

"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"

I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we
didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.

"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)

"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).

"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, ya know," she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, ya think?)

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."

"OH, gross!" they shrieked.

"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.

"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

"Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.

"I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can
be so cruel to their own young. I mean, what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

"What do you think, Doc, a c-section?" I suggested scientifically.

"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak
to you privately for a moment?"

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster is not in labor. In
fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy."

"What!?"

"You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um....er....masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you
know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."

We were silent, absorbing this.

"So Ernie's just...just...excited?", my wife offered.

"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
More silence.

Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face.
"It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its...its...teeny
little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

"That's enough," I warned.

We thanked the veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the hamsters and our son
back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.

"Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing into laughter.
Every woman dies, not every woman really lives.


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(This post was edited by Khoobg on Oct 22, 2002, 6:07 AM)


melanie
Enthusiast

Oct 22, 2002, 10:56 PM

Post #2 of 10 (2748 views)
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Re: [Khoobg] Funny Stuff. [In reply to] Can't Post

HAHAHAHA.....LOLSly


boon
Doggyman


Oct 23, 2002, 5:22 AM

Post #3 of 10 (2740 views)
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Re: [melanie] Funny Stuff. [In reply to] Can't Post

Blush Em................CrazyShockedBlush

Boon - I Love Fast Dogs That Hit Hard
You Ask Me To Fight For You, I Give You Freedom & Protection And Then You Question The Manner In Which I Provide It, I'd Rather You Just Said -- "Thank You" --


wkser
ALPHA


Oct 23, 2002, 6:53 PM

Post #4 of 10 (2733 views)
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Re: [Khoobg] Funny Stuff. [In reply to] Can't Post

hi,
good ones.......SmileWink

regards
kangser and nous


cdmoo
ALPHA


Oct 23, 2002, 7:56 PM

Post #5 of 10 (2729 views)
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Re: [Khoobg] Funny Stuff. [In reply to] Can't Post

Talking about this....I recall an incident many years back when my friend tried to "do it" for a guard dog called 'Duke'. I think Duke did not like it and in turn bite off my friend's arm. I can't remember the reason(s) why he did it. He was a professional dog handler.

Do dogs do it by themselves at all? Blush LeoPui, can u shed some lights on this?

Phycologically, would it help/harm our dogs?

Smile
regards,

CD Moo





leopui
K9 Maniac

Oct 24, 2002, 2:14 AM

Post #6 of 10 (2715 views)
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Re: [cdmoo] Funny Stuff. [In reply to] Can't Post

CD Moo,

I will only able to reply with "copyright article" after I have done with Mileone ... I've being sued for copyright without giving credit to the so-called original writter Pirate .

I need to check also with my teacher, if it is okay to share with my children what I have learn during my school time!!! I am in hot water sXXX!!! Crazy Crazy Crazy
LEO PUI
Get REAL, Train REAL & Be REAL! Do RIGHT and FEAR No One!


cdmoo
ALPHA


Oct 24, 2002, 5:18 PM

Post #7 of 10 (2704 views)
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Re: [leopui] Funny Stuff. [In reply to] Can't Post

hi leopui,

Cool cool down first ..

then let me know later. OK Smile

Smile
regards,

CD Moo





leopui
K9 Maniac

Oct 24, 2002, 5:27 PM

Post #8 of 10 (2703 views)
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Re: [cdmoo] Funny Stuff. [In reply to] Can't Post

Sure do, copyright Frown or non copyright Smile ???

Copyright can be send to private e-mail for personal protection & personal references, non-copyright can be done when I have the "FREE" time ... Cool Cool Cool!!!


Meanwhile, please enjoy the joke of the day (beware - copyright ... but could remember why di dI got it from!!!)

Don't Kick What You Eat!!!

A little boy came down to breakfast. Since they lived on a farm, this mother asked if he had done his chores. "Not yet", said the little boy. His mother tell him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores.


Well, the little boy pissed, so he goes to feed the chicken, and he kicked a chicken. He goes to feed the pig, and he kicks pig.

He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well", his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon either. I saw you kick the cow, so you aren't getting any milk this morning."

Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen. The little boy look up at his mother with a smile, and asks: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
LEO PUI
Get REAL, Train REAL & Be REAL! Do RIGHT and FEAR No One!

(This post was edited by leopui on Oct 24, 2002, 5:31 PM)


mileone
Novice

Oct 24, 2002, 7:59 PM

Post #9 of 10 (2693 views)
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Re: [leopui] Funny Stuff. [In reply to] Can't Post

Oh your humor takes my breath away!!!! BAHAHAHAHA!

It simply shows your intelligence. I am sorry that you cannot comprehend hard work!

Please don't make yourself so "self important" by saying that you are being sued! (In your warped mind , that's cool?) Nobody is sueing you leopui. Nobody even mentioned that. Why would you????

Your statement "I need to check also with my teacher, if it is okay to share with my children what I have learn during my school time!!! I am in hot water" reeks of insecurity,

Do you have a problem with someone joining this forum that actually might be there with years of experience that has nothing to do with selling puppies?

What is it that you have an aversion to someone else with experience???? Feeling threatened??? By what??? You have , what, 4 years experience???

You sound like a little boy with all your whining and sniveling!



I believe you are a blow heart, and what we call a "back yard breeder". You are , quite simply no better than a puppy mill. Your dogs and bitches have no lines to be traced back to ANYWHERE.


leopui
K9 Maniac

Oct 25, 2002, 1:04 AM

Post #10 of 10 (2673 views)
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Re: [mileone] Funny Stuff. [In reply to] Can't Post

Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Eight is enough!!!
LEO PUI
Get REAL, Train REAL & Be REAL! Do RIGHT and FEAR No One!

 
 




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