idiot
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Jul 26, 2004, 5:51 PM
Post #1 of 3
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I ruined my pup. I hate myself. Help!
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I will blame no one but myself. I "rescued" a pup from a shelter. she was a darling. smart (very smart), georgeous, sweet, super effectionate. not a day went by that i didn't think she was a gift from above (literally). someone bought her for me, i got to pick her. it was the wrong time to be given a life, but i did and do, cherish her. my life at the time of adoption. super stress, financial problems, housing issues, business issues, family issues, temperment problems. the whole nine. well my, what was a sweetheart, pup shit in the bedroom again (7 months later, she's nine months now). why the bedroom, don't know, she just prefers to crap there. tried to get her away from it, and idiot me didn't block the door the other morning. i took her out, she did crap, but i guess not enough, then ended up tracking it all over the room, and bed. probably just cause she was nervous. she knew she did bad, but me the idiot, lost my shit. I yelled, cursed, and demanded that she come in to see what she did. but she already knew, she just didn't want to see it again. good enough right? not for me, the idiot. dragged her in there. she growled at me, i smacked her snout, she snarled, so i smacked her again and again each time she snarled, but she was born to do that. she wouldn't come, so i threw a towel at her. the end result, is that i'm sick at how i treated her. and she lost every shred of trust in me. but i'd be thankful if that's where it ended. now she trusts me and is afraid of me. it's like either her guard is 100 percent up or 100 percent down. she loves me and i love her. here's an example. i'll pet her, she'll growl, so i say no (firmly, but gently now) then will turn away. she'll cozy up to me like she used to, but then i'll pet her and she will growl again. or will let me stroke her but her guards up. ears back, but she still wants to be close to me like she used to. she wants to be petted, but growls now, when she is. i makes me literally want to kill myself. i feel like i destroyed her, and me in the progress. she's not agressive, i think she's fearful. she loves me and me her, but now she's fearful from me, and now i must, by my own hand, be fearful from her. i left her with nothing left to do, but protect herself. i made this, i did this, i don't know how to undo it. i'm afraid i can't. she loves me, i love her, but now must protect herself from me, the one that she loves. it literally makes me sick to my stomach. i don't know what to do. when she growls, i gently say no. i approach her, pet her, try to settle her. she'll come to me, lean into me, like she used to for comfort but now she'll growl. and i don't blame her. i'm sickened by it. i want to pet her, she wants to be petted, but growls or snarls when she is. i did this to her, and now i don't know how to slowly undo it as best i can. i'm here for help. not to be called names or be ridiculed by any of you. if you have something to say, please offer help, don't ridicule me or cast aspersions upon me. i'm already way ahead of any you. forget the "if you don't have something good to say" line, but how about "if you don't have something 'constructive' to say" line. in five minutes i've ed up everything.
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